If Your Reading This...

America. Survey says that this almost rebellious nation is probably also the most immature nation in the world. Why? Well for multiple reason. We are here to discuss these reasons right now. Stay with me we'll get right to it, but first a word from our sponsors.....what? We don't have sponsors...? Oh...well okay then.... Onward then!

First off, as all young nations were, we're a selfish, greedy nation, each member of society has learned from experience that life sucks, and you have to get used to it. A nation built on lies and dirty money. If you want something from anyone in the country you have first to pay them. Now I'm not only talking about a service like a car cleaning or something, only hobos give those out for free with optional pay (By optional I mean they'll break a light or spit on you/ your window when you refuse to pay them). But what I mean is, I knew a guy back at school (his name will remain unspoken for secrecy reasons) who, if you wanted anything from borrowing a pencil to getting some gum you had to pay him. Now I know alot of people aren't like that. However it is an example so I can dramatize the point as much as I want.

How does a youth learn this kind of behavior? I will hunt you the fuck down if you utter something about parents, you learn some things from them, not everything, not something like this. A youth learns from society, from people around them, often times more then they learn from their parents. So hit would stand to say that he learned this from observation. From people in everyday life.

Second, the overall immaturity of this nation fascinates me. Especially when I compare a person, let's say a girl from America, to a girl from another country. Their so open (from I've seen anyway) everywhere else in the world. Why? Because their society is comfortable talking about it. However in America we're like children who are talking about something they shouldn't. The topic and act of sex is so taboo it's hilarious. I mean, it's a natural action yet it's so 'nasty' that Americans make it almost a crime to talk about in public (and some times even in private).

I'm sure if you've ever looked for (and therefore at) porn you've noticed how much porn from other places like asia and russia there are. Why? Cause their comfortable with it. Sex isn't a hush hush topic over there. I've seen it discussed openly on a  number of UK talk shows. Now compare that to here, and you might find one or two that aren't labeled to tell you 'hey! In this episode of this show they talk about something 'explicit' so watch out.' Funny isn't it? America is such a tight ass about it all it makes the topic stand out about more then it needs to. I even noticed that it stands out when the topic of bodily functions comes up. As though it's such a big deal who farted? I mean sure it might be fun to find out who did it just to tease them a little. But I've seen people (even men sometimes) get so offended when someone farts. Then there's the whole 'women don't fart' thing. How in the nine circles of hell is that even physically possible?! If your going to make up bullshit at least have a small air of fact behind it!

Bottom line, America, grow up. That is all. I'm going to back porn now. That's right, I said it, get over it!

Well I finally have a topic to post about as a stand in to morality. Well I'd be lying if I knew everything about it, but I heard about it today, and it pissed me off so much I had to talk about it.

Health Care! Sounds pretty boring doesn't it? You know it does. But what if I told that without it, in the near future (In the US) you would be a fucking criminal? Do I have your interest now? Excellent!

It's as I said, or rather as I am told by a source I care not to share. Also from what I have read through research this mandatory insurance policy will be funded by none other then you. The humble and kind tax payers of America. 'But Cobra, how and why would we pay for others to take on this ridiculous policy',  well good reader, I'll tell you.

See according to how I understand it, this will be funded by the increase in taxes in the US. How nice right? WRONG! Most people can't afford a hike in taxes just to give other people insurance money. Now, what happens, I wonder when the whole of america is swimming in debt to the government and everyone has insurance. I'm sure it won't be pretty. 'But Cobra, I can't afford insurance' Well, that is why this is such a big deal.

Say you don't have the money to get your insurance, well good sir/madam that makes you, according to Obama's new bill, a filthy evil criminal. Yep, that's right. And where do filthy heartless criminals go class? That's right, jail. So who here can tell me the estimated number of people going to jail due to this? Well, let's just say I think we'll need a bigger jail to hold over a third of the country.

Oh don't worry though, you'll be heavily fined before you go to jail. How dare you not be insured! Ya know, I think Obama is forgetting that there is A) A serious lack of jobs out there right now and B) not everyone has the  ability to get this insurance. Sure you could assist us now by cranking up the taxes, but it's only a matter of time until the medical field stops functioning correctly due to lack of funds.

Now then, I will tell you all something I haven't put out there for a while. This bill is a golden shining idol of a reason why I say we need people who know what the fuck their doing in the white house instead of an idealist. I mean sure, on the one hand, sure we all will be able to be hurt or get sick and we'll all be able to recover. However we'll all be broke, the homeless rate in this country will sky rocket, as well as crime rates all across the nation.

While an idealist helps create change, something this country desperately needs, the reasons why I will blog about later. However an idealist also brings nothing but trouble in the mean time for the people their 'ruling' during this change. I wonder if the ideas their forcing on people as laws were ever tested in an isolated experiment before this was put into motion.....probably not.

However this law will only be as enforcable as the citizens decide to follow it. Much like how J-walking (Which is technically a crime) isn't really enforced because no one really follows it anymore. Why do I need to cross in between these two lines there and wait for the light to tell me to go when there's no one on the street?! Exactly, so if no one really follows it, then the government can't really lock up the entire nation, thus it won't be enforced cause it wouldn't be possible. On top of that it would spring up all kinds of 'racial' and 'gender' law suits and problems.

Bottom line, I hope someone from the white house reads this. Fuck you, fuck your health 'care' bill. I don't see how plunging the nation into debt but our health  will be fine will help anyone since the government has made it so you can't do anything with money anymore. So without money the world (metaphorically) stops spinning. Rethink your fucking bill, or better yet, leave health care a personal choice. I don't have health care and I love it! Why?! Cause I fucking chose not to have it (of course the financial problem with it might be a problem too....) Mrs. Obama, talk some sense into your man!

In society the idea of morality goes down the tubes, more so then on a personal level, when humans are in groups. I don't remember the name for it but I was given an example by a friend of mine that I would like to tell you all.

Say a woman is being raped and a group happens across it. The larger the group the slimer the chances of that woman getting help. Why? Because of the 'I don't want to stand out' the 'go with the flow' mentality of human minds. If there is a group of five the chances of her getting help is greater then if there was a group of twenty. Because there is less pressure to stick with the crowd.

This, I think, works as a severe disadvantage to the human race.

Then there's the 'hierarchy' of a group. The 'corporate ladder' if you will. They almost unwaveringly rule these groups. How is this a disadvantage? Well let's say the leader of the group finds they don't like Person A, now not only does Leader not like them, but as an attempt to fit in the group does't like them for their leader says so. Now say this leader was a narrow minded person who felt hatred for someone for just being different then most people. Your promoting the ostracizing of someone just because their different. The  chances of that person being helped is signifigantly lower because of two reasons, the hierarchy and the group mentality (AKA the mob mentality).

I don't have much to say on this subject beyond my own disapprovals... it's just wrong. Yet even knowing this the group will unwaveringly follow te hierarchy and group/mob mentality simply to fit in, be whatever their doing right or wrong.

It's not even disgusting anymore...it's just sad...

 Alright, now I know it's been a while since I posted anything, don't get mad. I ran out of things to talk about on here and when I'm given suggestions they leave my brain before I get a chance to actually post them on here. If you have ideas (anyone at all) just email them to me at: cobraj@ymail.com.

I will be blogging more, I originally had an idea to post about morality, but it's such a broad category and I feel so strongly about it what I typed didn't make much sense even to me, so I deleted it. So yeah, I'll get it on here, but after I wrap my mind around the subject and what I'm trying to say. In case your wondering, no, I generally don't have so much with a topic, but I feel so strongly about this one. My life and mannerisms are built up around my own strict moral code....

- I talk to myself quite often, for better or worse.

- I can only draw or paint when what I'm drawing or painting has a meaning to me.

- I don't keep any blankets or sheets on my bed, but I use three pillows.

- I twitch when I'm bored or stressed.

- I burn candles cause I like to look at the fire.

- My idea of the future is looking darker and darker as time goes by, but maybe we'll all get personal robots that only obey our specific genetic code, so no one can order around another persons robot.

- I have three clocks in my room.

- Sometimes randomly burst out with random sound effects when I'm chatting with my friends.

- My favorite game on the whole interweb (that's right, I went there) is tetris.

- I prefer to use paper plates over real ones.

Ok, what is it with people when they break up in a less then civil manner, the woman almost always feels the need to come back like months later and say something like 'Don't talk to me ever again' when you weren't even talking to her? Or even ABOUT her. I mean really is that like some sort of uncocious desire to win the argument or something? Cause if so, it's a fail idea. The only way to win something like that is to win when your having the argument, don't come back like a week later and say something as though us guys are supposed to remember exactly what the fuck you were talking about.

It's just immature and gives the impression your having more problems then we are about letting you go. I bring this up for this happened to me not four days ago. I was sitting there actually in a good mood when my ex IM'd me out of nowhere and said 'please remove me, I don't want to talk to you ever again' Needless to say for a moment I sat there in thought. The thought process was 'If you don't want to talk to me ever again, why are you talking to me now?!' but I nodded and simply said 'I removed you a long time ago'. I decided to be polite, simply because if your saying something that has potential to hurt someone it sounds actually worse, and I think in my heart I wanted to hurt her, to some degree anyway.

I won't go on about that though. I'm just saying, ladies, if you break up with a guy, please don't come stomping back to grumble about how you don't want to talk to the guy again, it only makes you look like your obsessing. Chill the fuck out and grow up.

Searcrest,out!

Well, I have noticed I have been having a heavier and heavier urge towards knives recently. Sometimes I press the blade to my wrist just to see if maybe, just maybe it'll finally do what I am too cowardly to do myself. But alas, to no avail. I'm apperantly supposed to live. But to what end? So I can continue to be a parasite on my family and the world? So I can hold one spot in life where another could replace me and be more productive in the world...? I don't know, I have no real special skills to speak of, and few people know me enough to actually miss me if I went....I feel even fewer people could even think of any good I've ever done for anyone besides vanish off the face of the planet. It's funny, I sit in my room and point a gun at myself all the time, practicing where I would shoot myself, so as to do the most irrepariable damage, because if I become a vegetable I want someone to pull the plug.

I have fully accepted the fact that I'm nothing more then a burden. On the world, for allowing me to live on it, and to the people around me. It's already been pointed out that I use up resources yet, I give nothing back...what if I vanished? Like I'd planned to before but only this time I'd have to practice the skill needed to do it. I'd need money though...and that requires me to...do something. I don't need a terrible amount of money to get what I need, as I already have most of it. But to do what I want to do I would need to live some where else for a short time....long enough to get to know the land, long enough to become accustomed to the new climate....

I could work I just have to discipline myself...I think when I take my computer to get fixed I will try to learn certain skills. I'll just have to find someway of carrying a guide to learn these things....it's not like I have anyone to learn from... not since dad moved away. I wish I could have gone with him...but then I'd be any even bigger burden on someone who didn't need it. I often wonder to myself...if there is a god out there, if there is a god, buddah, or what the fuck ever, why would he put such a worthless shell of a person on his planet? I'm no faster, stronger, or smarter then any others. I have no talents and no skills to speak of. Being overly annoying, and being able to put on a fake persona around people isn't exactly a marketable skill. It would be close to one if  could put on a different persona, if I could I could be like... an actor or even a voice actor. But to be an actor you have to be decent looking, as you generally are in the public eye and people want to see the 'american dream' on the silver screen, not someone who looks just like them.

As it stands now, my options are between running and being some sort of drifter who might (if I'm lucky) be shot dead on the side of the road, becoming some sort of mountain hermit, or.... the less likely option, which I am just too much of a god damn coward to do it.

If I could I'd go to Australia to chill with my best friend, but even then the topic of upkeep comes up. Wonder if he'd let me put up some sort of....camp in his yard....bah, he's got enough problems of his own right now. Besides me somehow digging up the money to not only get a passport, get a flight to Australia, get a cab to his house, and get the crap I need to camp in his back yard is totally ridiculous....besides even if I could somehow manage all that shit, the options of food come up, what am I going to do? Eat out of peoples garbage cans? Rob people? I'd be in the same boat but in a different country. It's like being in a canoe, 30 miles out on the ocean without a paddle... I mean I am sure even if he didn' want me there he'd say I was welcome, mostly cause we both know it's hardly even possible...

Disclaimer: Easily insulted christians may not want to read this post. If you read and are insulted keep your arguments to yourself, I will have no religious preaching going on here. You have been warned.

Well while I have your attention I figure I might share something with you guys, here goes nothing.

I think I might ask to go see a doctor or a shrink or something...I don't normally want to but lately I just....I feel like something is off with me...but then again we don't have any money so it'd be a mute point to even bother someone with the idea. I don't feel right. Now I know if I said this to my mother she'dtotally disregard how I actually feel and just say 'get a job it'llmake you feel better' as she always does. No one around here even listens when I speak. When I truly ask for help they play it off like nothing...I suppose that's made the person they know as Cobra. However he's only a hollow illusion, a mask. While I may talk to them about various things, I don't know if they noticed at all chances are they haven't, I never talk about me or how I feel on the inside. I don't know if anyone else has this 'problem' but it feels so.... mentally exhausting to have to play the character of a stupid blabber mouth while I'm around my own family. How can someone tell you to be yourself to others, when they themself won't accept you for who you are?

I know I don't have alot ofroom to gripe about things, as I'm better off then some people in theworld. But I believe, no matter your social standing, there will alwaysbe problems. They may range in severity, but there is always conflictin human life. While people on the 'poor' spectrum of life may struggle to scrape together a meal, and money for essentials someone on the 'better off' side may be totally dead on the inside, now I'm not stupid enough to think the two balance out, not by a long shot. But what I am saying is that there is still a problem with everyone. Problems range in severity, no matter your age or gender, or nationality. We all have problems.

Should these problems blind us from seeing when others need help though? Be that help wanted or unwanted, spiritual or phyiscal, finacial or moral. The problem with most of society now is, simply put, we let our own problems blind us from helping those around us who need real help. Whether they're screaming at the top of their lungs for help, or silently, asking you for help, or sending off subtle signs. I cannot pretend I am any different, but I can at leat see that we all need help. I help who I can, when I can and how I can. But one person helping those he can isn't enough, not by a long shot. (Before any religious brings Christianity into this, I'm talking about non fictional, REAL people in this day and age, not some guy who MIGHT have lived hundreds of years ago.)

So tell me, my friends, who have you helped today?

Well, fuck. I messed up my sleeping patterns again. Just when I thought I had em all in order, I go annd stay up till 4am now I'm all outta whack again. Seems like this thing just keeps repeating over and over again.

Yeah....that's it I suppose for the moment...

Okay, now you might be wondering 'Cobra, what in the twelve circles of hell is Thanxmas?' Well children, gather around and I'll inform you.

Once upon a time, three years ago to be exact, my family wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving in the same general time as Christmas, as my grandmother is only here in late november to early december. Then we devise we would have them both at the same time. I was given the honorable task of naming this ingenious family holiday.Thus Thanxmas was born. However there are some in the house who prefer to call it Christgiving because it has 'Christ' in it. Pointing this out to me was funny, as he said it like it was something I should have thought of ( I'm not putting words in his mouth, that's just what I got out of the look he gave me, nothing is to be implied in terms of speech or implication by what was just written.). However, I chose the name for this exact reason, because it DIDN'T have 'Christ' in it.Naming a holiday because of that is ignorant of those of us in this house who AREN'T christian/catholic. Thus I chose a universal name for all of us.

Anyway children, that is (plus some ranting) the tale of how Thanxmas came out. But onward with what I got for Thanxmas. Well to begin I got a book from my mother called 'Wreck This Journal',which I think is cool to have cause I love creative destruction! Second I got an I O U from my sister,as she didn't know what to get me I suppose. Third, from my grandmother, is this awesome alien made up of different metallic objects (gears,bike chains and such, pictures will be taken I assure you) which took some messing with to put fully together, the head was a bit troublesome to put on and keep on,but in te end I won and it is now cully constructed looking out over it's domain that is my room. Lastly , from my mother to everyone in the house, we're switching internet providers cause the one we have has failed us for the last time with little to no useful or believable excuses or explanations. This was great for me cause the only thing keeping me from taking my broken computer in to be fixed is cause I'm afraid there would be nothing to do. A sad reason if I've ever heard or written one.

Yeah, if you've ever had a 'budget christmas' then you know why there was so little thhis year, cause we're mother fuckin broke,that's why!

That's all,on or after Xmas for you guys why not comment here and tell me what you got.